UNVEILED AT LAST - THE LEGEND THAT IS SMIFFY'S KITCHEN CUPBOARD

I will not inflict the whole yawnfest on discerning readers; suffice to say, smiffy has yet again rambled at great length about how the McCanns are going to be caught bang to rights, or something....I am not that interested, frankly, as smiffy has all the integrity of a back-street fortune teller.

Indeed, his predictions have already been overtaken by events; Scotland Yard unaccountably failed to let smiffy know their officers had already arrived in Portugal...

No, it's the illustration. Smiffy has chosen to depict the Team McCann kitchen cupboard as being empty; not exactly biting satire, but hey ho!

He has, for some bizarre reason, chosen to depict the Team Gonc cupboard thus:



Classy, full, healthy – and ours

Say again? Smiffy's cupboard appears to be stuffed with gallons of fizzy drinks, crisps, tins of soup, and general nutrition-free carbohydrate.

Far from being Classy, full and healthy, it looks as if he is running a corner shop on a sink estate.

Maybe we should feel sorry for smiffy? If that is his idea of classy and healthy, he may be suffering from a protein and vitamin deficiency? Who knows? Indeed, who cares?

Worth reading for a chuckle, at the way events keep spoiling smiffy's pronouncements. Not to mention his idea of 'classy':

http://blacksmithbureau.blogspot.com/2011/09/deprivation-symptoms.html

Erm......I don't suppose you could tell me what that is all about, could you? I get the bit about the cupboards, and the Crisps and the deadly Fizzy Drinks, which might explain why Gonc is so fat and brain dead, but that's about it for me.

I have even less idea than usual what he is on about, Sabot, it was his bizarre belief that the contents of his cupboard in any way resemble 'food' as most of us know it..

What, one wonders, might legal counsel in a libel case, say, make of this claim?

He simply reaches into the overflowing cupboard, pats his tummy comfortably and begins.

Yes, I am sure every barrister's idea of 'food' is a tin of condensed soup, a packet of crisps, and fizzy lemonade.

What smiffy thinks is classy and healthy

Didn't he say he's got a daughter? I hope he isn't feeding this rubbish to her.

That cupboard is a testament to junk food. I think I've got it, smiffy is a similar size to Levy.

There's a meal fit for a king there, Lily - some nice crunchy Fritos for starters, a lovely plate of tinned meatballs, and a nice slab of solid jelly for pudding. All helped down with a range of fizzy drinks

Would love to see what Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay would make of that classy food, Bonny.

As you say, it's all fit for a king and we can only imagine that smiffy must be king sized himself?

honestbroker wrote:

Sabot wrote:
Erm......I don't suppose you could tell me what that is all about, could you? I get the bit about the cupboards, and the Crisps and the deadly Fizzy Drinks, which might explain why Gonc is so fat and brain dead, but that's about it for me.

He seems to think that because the McCanns managed to hold it together in public (despite showing the obvious strain and pain in their faces and body-language) it is bogus to suggest that their behaviour was 'normal' for a distraught couple.

And one or two other bits and pieces, I think ...

Do you know, HB, I thought he was saying exactly the opposite. Or at least, some of it was, I think.

lily wrote:Would love to see what Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay would make of that classy food, Bonny.

As you say, it's all fit for a king and we can only imagine that smiffy must be king sized himself?

Will you just stop it. You are upsetting my equilibrium. I shan't be able to sleep for laughing.

Sorry, sabot but it was the only conclusion, if you know what I mean....

Aha! This must be what smiffy does before he embarks on one of his five star yawnathons:


He simply reaches into the overflowing cupboard, pats his tummy comfortably and begins.

And we can all see the result....

Smithy having breakfast

Definitely a king size junk-a-smiffymeal, mf.

All that junk food has rotted smiffy's brain. Today, he is a 'security expert' with a makey-uppy name who not only agrees with smiffy, but sounds strangely like smiffy...

EH: – and now proposition 6 is saying, [laughs] I mean, the woman’s been sitting at a keyboard on her own, knowing what’s she’s doing, knowing the risks, they must have begged her not to do it, and she’s sending fucking hidden messages out and yelling catch me if you can at the whole world can while her husband is in bed rolling his eyes. I mean, what? That’s not even Hitchcock, it’s more like Stephen King.

JB: Or the Coen brothers maybe. I haven’t read Stephen King.

EH: Nobody reads Stephen King, it’s just a phrase – Coen brothers? Yeah, maybe. I knew the guy they based Burn After Reading on, he was an analyst too, ended up in the Potomac with an axe in his head. But that’s another story and I don’t think it’s as weird as this one.[sighs] It takes us into Crazyland but I still can’t see any alternative. I mean once you can accept it then what follows isn’t so strange, it kind of makes sense, but accepting it is screwy. Thank Christ they took the pair off the Vatican website otherwise we’re taking on the Pope as well. Screwy!

---------------------

Doubtless the usual idiots will be thrilled skinny

The latest bit of junk food to fall out of smiffy's cupboard is beyond parody - it's a rant about how wicked the mainstream, for which read 'successful', press is.

It also contains rather a lot of snobbery, and insults aimed at the lowly working classes.

Doubtless because they have failed to recognise the literary genuis of J. Blacksmith.

Not that he's jealous or anything